r u cool?

...Last night at supper, Rhett said he wished he didn't have glasses. My heart tightened. I asked why.

R: Because you aren't cool when you wear glasses.
me: What makes you cool then?
R: You know, when you have dark hair that is kind of long, wear dark clothes and are tall. {He described this neighbor kid who is in the 4th grade and oh so cool to his little brothers and all the little boys on our block}
me: Rhett, what you wear or what you look like or whether you have glasses or not does not make you cool. It is who you are that makes you cool. Plenty of people that wear glasses are cool. Daddy wears glasses and he is cool. Grandad wears glasses and he is cool.
R: Daddy is cool because he goes to work and Grandad is cool because he is strong. But I am not any of those things.
me (about to cry for my sweet boy): You are cool! You are cool because you are such a loyal friend, you are kind, you are smart, you have a big heart and you are funny! That is what makes you cool.
R: But I have a big head.
me: What?
R: B {the previously described boy whom I dislike more and more} said I had a big head.
me: When?
R: On the bus. I turned around to look at him and he said, "Dude. You have a big head!"
me: Well. I think he is uncool for saying that. I know he didn't mean it to be unkind. {Yeah, right} But he shouldn't have said it and I am sorry that he did. You don't have a big head. Your head is just the right size for a 6 year old boy.
R: Okay.
me: And I think you are one cool little guy. And I know I am not the only one who thinks so.
R: Thanks.

And that was the end of that conversation. But oh my gosh! One little comment that an older boy made, that he probably said to get a laugh from his friends, has made my son feel uncool. Unspecial. And now, I want to punch that kid in the face. I won't. I won't even say anything because that would totally not be cool.

But I am so angry. Kindness is something they are teaching in school this month. It is their word of the month. And although you can tell people to be kind all you want, you can shove kindness down their throats even, if someone does not want to be kind, they won't. Especially when it is a choice between being kind or being cool.

I want to know who decided being cool means being unkind? But isn't that an image that is protrayed on tv? The uncool kids are always the nice, smart kids. And the ones with the glasses. Remember Urkel from Family Matters? Glasses, uncool, but a heart of gold. Gretchen Prunella Grundler on Disney's Recess is intelligent and wears glasses, but not considered cool. Arnold of The Wonder Years is a nice guy, not too cool but really not because his best friend is the oh so uncool Paul, who wears glasses. Andrea of Beverly Hills 90210 is smart, but fairly uncool. She wears glasses. Milhouse of The Simpsons is Bart's best friend. He is geeky and clumsy and yes, wears glasses. Family Ties had its own geek: Skippy. Growing Pains had Carol. I am sure there are others, even more recent ones. These kids all have big hearts that are constantly trampled on by the much cooler crowd. I just hope that these images won't get Rhett down. I hope he sees that it isn't that way in the real world. Or at least it doesn't have to be that way.

I did notice this morning that Rhett said nary a word to B. Usually he tries to talk to him. But nothing this morning.

Rhett has figured out something that we all have figured out at one time or another in our childhoods: Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words hurt even worse.

***
On a lighter note, here is an entry from Rhett's Dictionary of Big Words

infessed v. 1.To talk about one thing all the time. 2.To be obsessed. Example: Noah you are so infessed about cheese!

Have a cool day.