mama birds are tough souls

...Noah has always been a mama's boy. I remember the 2nd night after he was born and Seth had gone home with Rhett so it was just Noah and me. He couldn't sleep by himself. He was whimpering in his hospital crib so I took him out and snuggled close to him. He relaxed and fell asleep. (I, of course, did not sleep at all because I was so afraid of him falling out of the tiny hospital bed).

So it is no surprise to me that he still really likes to be around me. (Honestly, who wouldn't? hee hee) But, lately, he has been especially clingy. Yesterday, in the pool, I really noticed it because everywhere I would swim, he would follow. He wouldn't leave my side.

I had a thought about what it could be and tonight I found out what was wrong. He got out of bed around 10:30 and asked to be rocked. Usually Daddy rocks, but he wanted me instead. I sat down with him and just asked, "Are you scared about going to kindergarten?"

The tears start flowing. He is scared of leaving me, of homework, of being the littlest kid, of bullies, of having no friends, of not knowing what 100+200 equals, of not being able to read...

Wow. I thought he had a little seperation anxiety. This kid has a full case of first day of school jitters!

First, I told him he would only be at school half-day or roughly 2 1/2 hours. I told him he would see me a lot more than not. I told him he didn't have to know everything right away. That is what teachers are for. I told him that bullies are scared too so just be brave and say, "Back off and leave me alone!" and they probably will. I told him he would be the same age as every other kindergarten and that he already has a friend from our neighborhood and even better, a big brother just down the hall.

Then I told him he was sweet and special, smart and funny and that he would have lots of friends. I hope that is true. I know that every parent wishes that for their kids.

I also told him that it was to be apart from the ones you love every once in awhile because then you get to miss them. And then the sweetest part is when you get to see them again! (I am really trying to prepare him for my trip to New York in September)

So there you have it. Another good bedtime conversation. He went to bed feeling loved. I am going to bed feeling bittersweet because my youngest child just had a very grown-up conversation about leaving me and fears of new things. On one hand, I just want to hug him and say, "You don't have to go! Just stay with me forever!" and on the other hand that has slightly better judgement I have to, not just let him go, but tell him that it is okay to go.

It makes you wonder what the mama bird are thinking when she is scooting her babies toward the nest's edge. She knows that they have to learn to fly and she has to be the one to give them that push but is she sad? Proud? Happy? Scared? Does she close her eyes and just hope they flap their wings and not fall?

All the while knowing in her heart that they will be just fine.

Just as I know that Noah will be just fine too. And so will I.